i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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