oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize