Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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