Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
