I accidentally had phone sex last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
