afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
