someone threw a dead crab at me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I want is dick and wine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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