remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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