i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
