A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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