Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we're making bets on your personal life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
