Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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