he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
