he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
