He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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