Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
