i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
