i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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