thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
