i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
