So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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