I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she peed on how many people?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
