Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
