high people should be assigned attendants
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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