Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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