so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
