its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i now understand why vodka
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
