There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
