it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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