Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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