I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I supernannyed him into submission
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize