Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
