It's like God shit irony all over that family
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
