just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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