You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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