...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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