It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
