i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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