we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
