it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
