Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize