i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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