Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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