wrigley field is MILF paradise
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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