wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
