I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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