chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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