Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize