I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
