Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize