He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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