forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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