You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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