Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
