went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
