It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
