Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
