i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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