i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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