Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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