Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
