I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there was a trapeze. enough said
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
