I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
