id be glad to
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
