My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love you. Go after that dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize