It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
