i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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