Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
