I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
