I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
