If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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