I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
