I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
