My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
