I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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