My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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