Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will pee on everything he values.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
