You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
