saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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