my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
