The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
