May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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