he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
