Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize