Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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