11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
