Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
