Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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