I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
