I wish I could punch you in the face.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
