Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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