i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize