I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
