____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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