We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You ruined the universe
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
