im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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