I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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