dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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