How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
