you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
