God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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