i think my tv is drunk
My hand turned me down
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize