is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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