you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
